Last week I celebrated my three year anniversary with my boyfriend and next month I turn 27. Put those two things together and it’s not surprising people keep asking me if we plan on getting married. The answer is always the same, yes we plan to, no it’s not happening anytime soon. This is the way both of us want it, and it doesn’t have anything to do with each other as partners. I won’t speak for my boyfriend, but here are my reasons why:
I feel a little too young to be married
First, for anyone that recently got married — I’m truly happy for you! Right now just isn’t MY time. So much of mine and my boyfriend’s lives are still up in the air. I’d rather hold onto the freedom to let that stuff fall as it may than feel rushed into big decisions like picking a place to live, buying a house, etc.
My finances are not where I want them to be
Speaking of buying a house, or even paying for a wedding, the second reason I’m not in a rush is because my bank account isn’t ready. When the time comes to do those things, I want it to be exciting and fun, not stressful. For me, that may require waiting a little bit longer so that I can enjoy the process and get what I want.
I don’t know who I am yet
Lastly, the biggest reason I’m not ready is because I’m afraid marriage would swallow me up right now. At this moment in my life, I’m still figuring out what I want to do, and how I show up best to do it. To assume the identity of ‘wife’ during this time, would just replace my current incomplete identity, rather than add to it. I know I would let it distract me. It would feel good and I would want to be the best wife I can be, but ultimately I think it would keep me from taking the necessary time to discover who I am outside of my marriage. That would be the greatest disservice to everyone involved.
All in all, I’m simply not ready, and that’s okay. By looking at it this way now, I know when it does happen, it’s going to be for all of the right reasons. I will feel comfortable moving forward, with a confidence in myself that will allow the marriage to thrive. Plus, I already know I’m going to have the greatest husband out there 🤍
