Scared? Do It Anyway

“Define failure as not trying” – Amal Clooney

There have been many times in my life where I have refrained from attempting something because of my fear. I assumed the people I looked up to had reached a special status in which they got all the answers before they acted. Thinking I too would get there, I waited. Doing all of the self work, but still never feeling ready. That’s when I realized I’m going to have to go imperfectly. I’m going to have to feel the fear, and do it anyway.

These blog posts are a good example of that. Writing them is often a difficult process for me. I feel like I’m not good enough. It’s uncomfy putting myself out there, and yet I’m doing it anyway. I do it because I like writing, and posting a finished piece makes me proud. It quiets the urge inside of me that tells me I can do more. That I should try.

Ironically, I got here by living life small. By refusing to go after what I want, due to a fear of failure. The result was a perfectly fine life, accompanied by insufferable daily anxiety reminding me that I was living out of alignment with myself. That fear of reaching the end of my life, always thinking I could do more, but never actually going after it, began to scare me more than failing. At this point, I think I’d rather just try and find out. Even if it’s messy and imperfect. 

I know that, and yet I’m still hesitant every time I start a new endeavor. I see myself trying to pre-determine what the outcome will be. During these times, I find it helpful to come back to a quote by Amal Clooney where she says we need to “define failure as not trying.” It’s such a small perspective shift, but it always seems to do the trick for me. 

 For a while I didn’t start this blog because I didn’t know what the point of it was. I still don’t, but I don’t let my doubt doesn’t stop me anymore. Instead, I decided wanting to do it is enough. Even if I don’t have a plan. Even if I have to be bad at first. Even if people laugh at me (btw no one really cares, and if they do, it probably means they’re not doing anything themselves). Regardless of how I feel, I’m doing it anyway. 

I don’t know if life lived this way actually turns out better, but I do know it feels better. And if things go wrong, well I’m hoping (praying? wishing?) I’ll be able to figure that out when the time comes. 

If you too are feeling scared, embarrassed, unqualified, etc., about going after what you want, I hope to serve as a reminder that that’s normal! Do it anyway.

Love, Alex (who is currently doubting this post)