Let’s Talk About Feelings

Why is talking about our feelings so hard? I think we all know the blanket answer is because it opens us up to being hurt. It’s painful to not be seen or heard by someone we care about. I’ve been on the fearing side, and the enforcing side of this, but lately I’ve been trying to embrace vulnerability. It’s been both healing and excruciating.

Those two feelings go together more than people realize. Because regardless of how much we desire to be better, change is a difficult process. It requires us to leave what we’re used to and get comfortable with the uncomfortable. At the lowest stakes, we experience these emotions whenever we learn a new skill. For me, the most obvious example is my yoga practice. I enjoy it, and I’m generally ok at it, until a move requires hamstring flexibility. Within a matter of seconds I go from graceful, to defeated.

Each time it happens I think back to the requirements for the class: “an open mind, an able body, and a desire to learn.”* During that inflection point, I feel myself wanting to stay stuck. Resting safely within my own limitations rather than experience the discomfort of testing them. I don’t know what’s on the other side. What if it’s something I can’t handle? Honestly it’s the same fear I have when talking about feelings. What happens after? What if it’s something I can’t handle? What if they leave me? The fear was so big I was willing to deny my own needs so no one else would have to. 

It took a while (years), but in the past year I finally reached the point where I didn’t want to shrink anymore. Instead, I started having the difficult conversations. I won’t lie to you, it was brutal at first, but then things got better. 

The biggest benefit I’ve received from this practice is knowing when it comes down to it, my people are going to show up for me. Maybe not immediately, or in the exact ways I expect, but they’ll show up, as will I for them. From there, all that’s required is an open mind, and a desire to learn.